I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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