Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
