My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
