life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
