I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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