So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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