your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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