Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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