That reminds me...we need to get swords
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
