I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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