Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Boobs are out for the taking
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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