i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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