I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
