Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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