You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
