morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
