saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
