did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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