sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
