I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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