I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
