I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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