he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
