remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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