Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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