I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
