I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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