she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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