this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We just shotgunned beers for America
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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