he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
