are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
