i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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