Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
where does the pee come out of this thing
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
