I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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