One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
