My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
this hospital has no fireball
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
