I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
