I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
