Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
