we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize