hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I will pee on everything he values.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize