Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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