Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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