No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
