Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
