I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
