The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You ruined the universe
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
