Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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