dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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