i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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