Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
