If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
