Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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