drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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