So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
