There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
