Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
