Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
