I'm laying in your front yard are you home
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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