You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
