im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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