i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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