WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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