Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
