And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
